We Live by Faith, Not by Sight: Practicum Reflection

How do I even begin to reflect on my practicum experience?


Towards the end of my experience at Africa New Life, I sat with headmaster and 4 of the upper level students. As we all sat there, headmaster said to us, “You don’t realize the impact and impression you have had on these students until right before you leave.” He said, “All the students talk about how great their Mzungu teachers are and how much they love you.” As we continued talking with two of the boys sitting with us, one of the boys asked me, “So, what do you like best about Rwanda?” That is when I realized…it is the PEOPLE! At my practicum, the parts of Rwanda that I have experienced have been very community oriented. Can we generalize for everyone? No. But, neighbors help neighbors. People take time for each other. If they are in the middle of a conversation but they have a meeting, they will stay and finish their conversation and go late to the meeting. Through  being at my practicum, I have come to admire that! It made me realize that what I am really going to miss about practicum are the people here. I have been struggling with being excited about the whole experience, but sitting and talking with those boys made the whole month worth it. It made all the experience click in my head as to the impression they had on my life. Am I going to miss the teaching? No, I can’t say I am. I think what was really frustrating to me was the fact that the classroom was so impersonal. A “together” based community surrounds me, but in the classroom you lose that. Never did I get to simply talk to my kids or even find out all of their names because of the chaos of having 55+ students in my classroom. Was the teaching horrible? Overall, I guess not, but it had its horrible moments. Did I look forward to getting into the classroom each day to teach? No, I didn’t so that has got me thinking…


I have really been struggling recently with what to do about my major. Do I go more toward the Child counseling or something along those lines where I get to talk to kids and really get to know them? Or, will I feel differently in America where there are less students and you can get to know them a a little better? All this being said, regardless of how you approach the relationship with your students in the classroom,  the classroom definitely puts limits on relationships because of the professionalism you must maintain in the work field. Also, there is just a certain relationship that comes about between teachers and students and that is not something you can really help.

As I try to make sense of all of these thoughts, I am trying to answer the question, "what is it that I like about children?" I love experiencing their personalities, seeing them smile, and finding out what drives them. I want to make a difference in the lives of children. I want to give hope to children who have lost hope whatever the reason may be. 

I have really been trying to place this decision on God's shoulders and allow him to lift the weight off my shoulder. In my heart, I want to be a Child Life Specialist and not an Elementary School teacher, but the thing that concerns me is that I will get to the end and wish I would have stuck with Education. My entire life I have said I was going to be an elementary school teacher, and now look where I am. In an email from Amber, she expressed that maybe God isn't telling me to give up education, he is just showing me that it may not be a 40 year career for me and that is okay.

So, with signing up with classes this friday, I have the stressful feeling that I must choose right now. Yesterday morning, I woke up early and just spent some time doing some prayer writing and then I went on a prayer run. God really just keeps speaking to me about the concept of time. He made me realize that maybe I don't have to choose. For now, I will stick out the education major and minor in human development and family sciences. Will I finish in 4 years? HOPEFULLY! But so what if I don't? I don't need to be worrying that far in advance.


It is hard being in this limbo. I really want to dive into the stuff for my Child and Life Services minor, but junior year education classes do not allow me to do that until j-term and second semester. I really just need to rely on the plans that God has for me. He has sucked me into a whirlwind that is challenging me to rely on Him 100% of the time in mind, body, and spirit. He is challenging me to live by faith and not just by the sights of what are present in the here and now.


Now a few other things:


-MY MAC IS WORKING AGAIN! No clue how or why, but it is awesome. That being said, look at my Facebook for a butt load of pictures to be uploaded. The internet is struggling to upload pictures to my blog, but i will as soon as possible!


-Check back here in a few days to read a blog post about my trip to Uganda


-I put together a short newsletter to sum up my time on practicum! If you would like to read it, just let me know and I will send it to you. I could not get the word document attached. P.S. It is much shorter :)


My love and prayers go out to all of you!


Ali